Spam jokes

[Chris Craig]

Bertha was a very pretty girl. Quite a lot of young men wanted to marry
her, but she was not satisfied with any of them. One day, one of the
young men came to visit her and asked her to become his wife. She
answered, "No, John,I won't marry you.I want to marry a man who is famous,
who can play music m sing and dance very well, who can tell interesting
stories, who does not smoke or drink , who stays at home in the evenings
and who stops talking when I'm tired of listening."The young man got up,
took his coat and went to the door, but before he left the house, he
turned and said to Bertha, "It isn't a man you're looking for. It's a
television set."

A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the
importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone
of you ever make someone else glad?""Please, teacher,"said a small
boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday.""Well done. Who was that?""My
granny.""Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother
glad.""Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her
three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said,
'Well, I'm glad'!"

[Whreky]

Post by Chris Craig
Bertha was a very pretty girl. Quite a lot of young men wanted to marry
her, but she was not satisfied with any of them. One day, one of the
young men came to visit her and asked her to become his wife. She
answered, "No, John,I won't marry you.I want to marry a man who is famous,
who can play music m sing and dance very well, who can tell interesting
stories, who does not smoke or drink , who stays at home in the evenings
and who stops talking when I'm tired of listening."The young man got up,
took his coat and went to the door, but before he left the house, he
turned and said to Bertha, "It isn't a man you're looking for. It's a
television set."
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the
importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone
of you ever make someone else glad?""Please, teacher,"said a small
boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday.""Well done. Who was that?""My
granny.""Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother
glad.""Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her
three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said,
'Well, I'm glad'!"

Rat-a-tat-tat! <rimshot> :-)
~~O^O~~
Optician Dragon
-==UDIC==-
Isn't America great? It's the only country where even the President of the
United States can hope to one day be elected President.

[Chris Craig]

In some Government offices the clerks, upon arrival in the morning, have to
sign their names in an "attendance book". This book provides space for
signature, time of arrival, and "remarks." Ten minutes after the hour and
official draws a red line under the last arrival's name, and all those
coming subsequently are expected to furnish an explanation of their
tardiness in the "remarks" column.When a real "London particular" occurs the
number "below the line" is legion; the first of them writes: "Delayed by
fog," and the rest scribble a "ditto".One morning -- a foggy one -- Mr.
Jones became a proud father; but even this only caused him to be about
eleven minutes late. Proudly he wrote in explanation: "Wife had twins,"
which was followed in due course by the usual string of "ditto's".

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly found himself surrounded by a
bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly
to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." A ray of light fell from the sky and a
voice boomed out, "No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet
and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer
picked up the stone and proceeded to bash the life out of the chief. He
stood above the lifeless body, breathing heavily, surrounded by 100 natives
with looks of shock on their faces. The voice boomed out again, "Okay, now
you're screwed."

[Refractor Dragon]

<snip>

HAH! Oh, that's funny...!

[Chris Craig]

The second one isn't so funny today, so I dropped it (guy in a bar looks
at a picture of his wife every other beer to see when it's time to go home)

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around
the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers
earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up
in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple
tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples,
but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a
pig?"

[Whreky]

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a
drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up,
staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the
face and says:

"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway
buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused,
because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma
and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says
nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you
something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks
him square in the eyes and says,

"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk."


<rimshot>
~~O^O~~
Optician Dragon
-==UDIC==-
Isn't America great? It's the only country where even the President of the
United States can hope to one day be elected President.